


Gettin' Handsy

by poubelle_squelette



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Bad Puns, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, One Shot, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Reader Is Not Frisk, Reader-Insert, Sensitive bones, Vaginal Fingering, hand holding, handsy skeleton, reader is female
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2019-01-04 08:16:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12165024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poubelle_squelette/pseuds/poubelle_squelette
Summary: “can i ask you a human related question?”“I do have many years of human knowledge stored in my little human mind. I think I can answer your human related question.”“…what’s the deal with boobs?”





	Gettin' Handsy

You were curled up in a blanket on your couch watching late night television. You had been in this same spot marathoning the same bad cooking show for the last three hours, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to move. Lazy nights were the best nights.

“that couch have your butt imprinted on it yet?” Sans leaned against the arm of the sofa, brow bone raised.

You wiggled a bit. “What can I say, it loves when I sit on it.”

“kinky.”

Sans collapsed on the spot next to you. The two of you watched the tv in amicable silence. Then you felt his eyes on you. You turned your head. “Yes?” you asked.

“can i ask you a human related question?”

“I do have many years of human knowledge stored in my little human mind. I think I can answer your human related question.”

“…what’s the deal with boobs?”

You snorted. “What?”

“the guys at work talk a lot about them.”

You laughed. “Oh my god. I mean…they’re soft? And fun? Are you sad because you have nothing to contribute to their skeevy conversation?”

“not really interested.”

“In the boobs or the conversation?” when Sans didn’t respond you laughed harder and grabbed his hand. “Here, I’ll let you cop a feel for free.”

“uh…um…i…uh…”

“Don’t worry about it, I know you’re not interested in me like that. I won’t get mad,” you reassured him. You maneuvered his hand until it was cupping your breast. He squeezed it a tiny bit and then pulled his hand away. You wanted to laugh at how comically innocent he was being. “There, now you can say you’ve touched a woman.”

“heh, does this make us breast friends now?”

You rolled your eyes. “Shut up, that was bad. You stink. Figuratively and literally. Go take a shower, you gross grease monkey.”

“i think you’re the gross grease monkey between the two of us.”

You feigned shock and then flipped him off, a gesture that Sans found endlessly amusing, so you got into the habit of doing it often to him. He chuckled. “fuck me? i'm flattered.”

“That joke doesn’t get funnier the more you say it.”

As usual, your protests fell on deaf earholes as Sans got up and went to the bathroom. You snuggled back into your blanket nest, happy Sans was home. He worked weird hours and you were never quite sure… _exactly_ what he was doing, but he assured you it was nothing illegal and then never answered any questions about it again.

Weirdo.

You stared at the television screen and watch someone get yelled at for their disgraceful food. In the background you could hear the shower turn on. You were happy Sans was actually getting clean instead of rubbing some bone cologne on and calling it a night.

As far as roommates went, Sans was pretty chill but he was a mess. His brother warned you about this, but you weren’t really sure how bad he could be. The dude practically lived in the trash tornadoes he created in his bedroom. Once, you left for a week and the dishes were piled so high you couldn’t even see out your kitchen window. You were like, 99% sure that he was creating an army of dirt monsters on the carpet floorings. And while he didn’t really smell _bad_ he was always covered in something – grease, oil, whatever.

But Sans was funny, easy to talk to, and loved food. He was a fantastic cook and even when he was lazy, he always seemed to know the best places to eat. 

So you traded off, he cooked and you cleaned (and when you were gone he promised to use paper plates and plastic utensils to not make a heaping mess).

“hey, do ya wanna order in tonight?”

Oh, he was done already. You hadn’t even heard the water turn off.

“Pizza?”

“woah,” Sans clutched at his chest, “way to steal a pizza my heart there.”

“Lame.”

“hey, wanna know the difference between pizza and my pizza jokes?”

“Ummm, the pizza is actually _good_?”

Sans stared at you like you had kicked his dog or something. You shrugged, as if to say _you asked_ and then turned back to the tv, focusing on the people who were currently trying to make ice cream in 10 minutes. Critical mistake. You could hear Sans rattle off the pizza order in the background.

Suddenly you felt his weight return to the couch.

“Ew, get your bad joke telling smelly tailbone off my clean sofa,” you said.

He started chuckling, so you threw a cushion at him. “heh,” he sniffed the pillow, “i dunno, i'm pretty sure i'm way cleaner than this couch is.”

“That would mean actually using soap to get rid of the burning dumpster fire odor you rock so frequently,” you said, playfully kicking his knee a bit.

“what? my bone cologne not doin it for ya?”

“It’s the equivalent of spritzing a perfume bottle exactly once inside a well-used gas station bathroom.”

“shucks, didn’t realize i smelled _that_ good.”

You stuck your tongue out at him and overexaggeratedly inhaled. “I guess you managed to diffuse your foul stench _slightly_ ,” you said.

He opened his arms, “hey, i actually got clean. c’mere and appreciate my efforts before you tell me i smell.” 

You abandoned your blanket and crawled over so that you were practically sitting in his lap. You leaned into his neck and breathed in. Despite hearing him in the shower, you were expecting ketchup and gasoline. Instead…he smelled like chalk and fresh laundry. Clean. You breathed in again. It was actually really, really good.

“Alright, I stand corrected. You clean up real good,” you regretfully left the spot by his neck and settled for sitting close to him. 

You both watched the screen for a few minutes as the judges tore the dishes apart. You could feel his kneecap lightly press into yours. It was comforting, to have him there.

“can i ask you something?”

“Go for it,” you said, eyes not leaving your show.

“…do you think i could…uh…see them?”

Any other guy and you might have slapped him. However, Sans wasn’t even looking at you in the eye or the boob. He was looking at his feet and you could hardly believe the tiny little blush forming on his cheekbones.

You did your best not to laugh but you couldn’t help but giggle a little bit. “See what Sansy? My dazzling eyes? My magical fingers? My sinful toes?”

“shaddup, never mind.”

“Dude there’s so much porn out there. Just Google ‘boobs’ and you’ll get results.”

“gross.”

“What? How is that any different?”

“ya don’t…ya know…you don’t ask ‘em and that’s like…a huge thing with monsters so…”

“That is weirdly endearing for someone who basically just asked me to flash them. But who knows, maybe you’re just a creep trying to get me outta my shirt.”

“yup, ya got me. closet pervert right over here.”

“Damn, how could I have missed that? And with a human fetish too. How scandalous.”

“who could resist those sexy socks you’ve got on?”

“Mmm, yes, a delightful dirty gray that really complements the holes that have accumulated over the last three years.”

“very socksy.” Wink.

“You’re terrible.”

“you love it.”

There was a small twinge that pulled at your heart. You pushed that thought from your mind and looked away, suddenly embarrassed about the whole situation. 

“Tell you what, Sans,” you said before you could lose your nerve, “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

A long silence. You swallowed, unbelieving that you had offered. But hey, Sans was the one who had asked, right? Besides, he looked like he was having an aneurism so there was a good chance he’d say no.

“ok.”

Welp.

“Okay.”

“…ok.”

“…Okay.”

He grabbed his shirt by the collar and pulled his shirt over his head. You did the same and cast it aside on the floor. You wrapped your arms around your midsection, shying away from fully exposing yourself.

“why are you all awkward?”

“I just took my shirt off for you?”

“humans are weird.”

“Why are humans weird?”

“you were just at the beach in a bikini last week but now that you suddenly call it a bra, it’s awkward?”

“They’re two totally different things!” you reasoned, although Sans looked less than convinced. “And you were all flustered about saying boobs two seconds ago so don’t act all high and mighty.”

Whatever. You were caught up in a moment where you weren’t feeling embarrassed and anyway it was _just_ Sans and he didn’t care so you shouldn’t care. You unclasped your bra and tossed it aside as well.

For a moment you and Sans just stared at each other. You let your eyes wander. You were expecting him to remind you of an oversized Halloween decoration but…there were all of these chips and grooves in the bones. They also all had this pastel tint to them that you occasionally saw in his face, but you never really noticed on his hands and feet before now. His torso didn’t hide much and if you leaned forward the tiniest bit you could probably see down his pants. Oops. A bit too far.

“hm. i still don’t get it.”

You snapped out of your wandering. “Don’t get what?”

“why they’re so appealing?”

“Dude, they’re breasts. Not much to get. Evolution, probably,” you paused. “Here, just, give me your hand.”

Once again, you pulled him towards you, pausing briefly to wonder if this was possibly crossing some kind of line. “Is this alright?” you asked.

Sans nodded.

You placed his hand over your naked breast. The feeling was completely different from when it was over clothing. You could feel the individual bones in his hand as he squeezed gently. He carefully rubbed his thumb over your nipple and watched as it hardened under his touch.

“is it supposed to do that?”

“Uh-huh.”

You let go of Sans’s hand and let him play on his own. It was cute, in a really strange way. He lightly tweaked and rolled your nipple between his thumb and forefinger before focusing on the fat again. He squeezed again, harder this time, and you let out a tiny, unintended whine. He broke eye contact with your boobs and looked at you. 

“sorry, uh, got a little carried away there,” he said.

Before you could say it was fine, he took _your_ hand and placed it in the center of his sternum. 

“you can touch me too if you want. i won’t be too sternum about it.”

That was an unexpected surprise. You smiled at the pun and let your fingers roam down the bone. He felt very sturdy. Your hand glided back up the bone and you began to trace along his upper ribs. You could feel tiny vibrations underneath your fingertips. 

“What is that vibrating?”

“my magic,” Sans said, voice low.

“Feels like a heartbeat,” you said, dragging Sans’s hand to the spot where your heart was. His fingers twitched when he felt the pulse.

A still quiet fell over the two of you, save for your breathing. Your hand was pressed up against bones, feeling his magic. His hand was pressed against your chest, feeling your heartbeat. You had no idea what to do next. You felt too awkward to continue but too awkward to pull away.

“I…”

**KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK**

“Pizza!”

You and Sans both immediately pulled back from each other. You snatched up your shirt and bra and sprinted to the kitchen to hide out so the pizza delivery man would not get a free show. You tossed the bra aside, whatever, don’t need that anymore, but you slipped your shirt back on over your head and sat down at the table.

A few minutes went by and Sans walked into the room, also fully dressed, with the pizza box. He set it on the table and grabbed a slice.

You also grabbed some pizza and began eating. 

There was no noise except for the chewing. You could also kind of hear the background noise from the television. Sans wasn’t looking at you. You weren’t looking at Sans. The pizza was delicious, but somehow you found yourself unable to enjoy it.

“hey, wanna know the difference between pizza and my pizza jokes?”

“Hmm?”

“my pizza jokes can’t be topped.”

“Boo. Bad joke.”

“what, too cheesy for ya?”

“Olive your puns are just half-baked.”

He grinned. Alright. Things felt fine again. The events leading up to eating this pizza were seemingly forgotten. You both ate several slices before calling it a night and going to your rooms. 

The nighttime quiet was usually a time that you enjoyed. It let you unwind and relax before falling asleep. Tonight, you kept replaying the moment you felt Sans’s magic on your fingers. The soft pulsations underneath the chalky bone. When you remembered his hands on your bare skin, butterflies fluttered in your stomach.

…dammit.

You supposed that the crush was always there, lingering, just under the surface. A flirty joke here, a soft cuddle there. Your banter always made you smile. Those feelings were often pushed aside, you valued Sans’s friendship more than anything. You hadn’t even considered him being interested. But now…

…dammit.

You felt so hot and bothered. You probably shouldn’t have let it get that far. Was it going to go further than that? You played with the idea in your mind. You wouldn’t have…opposed it going further but…maybe it was for the best that the pizza guy showed up after all.

A soft knock on your door broke you away from your thoughts.

“Come in,” you called.

Your door creaked when Sans walked in. He closed it with a soft click and shuffled over to your bedside. The bright white of Sans’s eyelights were the only real source of light in the whole room. Your felt your chest squeeze a bit as you watched him walk towards you. Shit. Was he going to ask you to forget what just happened? He squirmed a bit and shoved his hands into his shorts pockets. “can we continue where we left off?”

You blinked owlishly at him before registering what he’d just asked. “ _Yes_ ,” you breathed out, already removing your shirt for the second time that night.

Sans discarded his as well and joined you on your bed. You reached up and delicately began to rub your fingers along the vertebrae of his spine as he groped and squeezed your midsection. He pinched and rolled the fat of your stomach in his hands before moving up to press into the skin to find your ribs.

You followed suit, letting your fingertips graze the outermost parts of his ribcage. In the dark it was harder to make out the exact size, but they were bigger than a human’s by far. You wrapped your hand around one of the floating ribs near the bottom of the ribcage and stroked. Sans shuddered under your touch, but didn’t stop you from continuing.

Sans pressed firm tickling circles into your ribs and you squirmed and giggled in response, pulling away slightly. He moved his hands to the curve of your back and pulled you back into him. His hands rested there for a few moments and he mimicked the careful rubbing motions you did along his spine. You sighed and relaxed under his touch, hoping he was getting the message about how good you felt.

Once again Sans’s hands were on your breasts, thumbs flicking the nipples slightly.

You had an idea and you hoped that your gamble would pay off.

“You know Sans,” you whispered, “maybe you’re not as into boobs because you’re more of an ass man.”

You removed your hands from Sans’s ribs and you gently guided his arms down until his hands were cupping your butt over your pajama bottoms.

For a moment, Sans was speechless and the only sound in the room was your heavy breathing. You wondered if maybe you had pushed your luck a little too far, considering the unexpected circumstances. You pressed your forehead against his, ready to apologize.

Then he squeezed you lightly and with a cheeky grin said, “show me yours, i'll show you mine.” His hands dipped underneath the elastic band of your pajamas and your underwear and he grabbed firmly this time, pulling you in so your bodies were flush against each other. You let your head rest in the crook of his neck while your hands travelled back down towards Sans’s pelvic bone.

Your fingers brushed against the tip of his pelvis and Sans breathed in sharply. You tugged his track shorts down a bit. Sans broke away from you and pushed his shorts completely, letting the material pool around his ankles before kicking them to the floor. His overeagerness was more than enough invitation to strip yourself of your remaining clothing. Your pajama bottoms and underwear quickly joined the other articles of clothing in a heap on your bedroom floor.

“wow didn’t realize i was such a panty dropper.”

The joke caught you off guard, so you laughed and snorted a bit before flipping him off out of habit.

“fuck me? i'd love to.”

Your breath caught in your throat. You had a feeling that’s what this was going to lead to when he came back to your room, but you were searching his eyes for sincerity. You could see small droplets of sweat start to bead on his skull, a nervous tick that betrayed the confidence of his statement.

“i-if you want.”

“When’d you get so confident? Not even an hour ago you were terrified at the thought of touching my breast and now you’re asking me to fuck you?” you teased. “Gosh, is getting to second base not enough action for one night?”

“what can i say? earlier i learned how much i want a pizza that ass.”

You pressed your hand against his sternum to feel the faint vibrations underneath. “Well,” you said, “luckily for you I happen to really, really want to jump those bones of yours.”

Sans swore under his breath and before you could say anything else his hands were all over you. He grabbed at the fat on your legs before rubbing small circles into your inner thigh. You let yourself get handsy as well and pinch and rub at his pelvis. Your pinky fit perfectly into the holes of his tailbone, so you twisted your finger in and out of the holes.

“ _fuck_ ” Sans groaned. He pressed his forehead against yours and placed his hands on your cheeks. “can i kiss you?”

You nodded and he pulled you into him. The tip of your nose bumped into where his nose would be if he had one. He didn’t press his teeth to your mouth, but rather he began nuzzling you instead. A soft tingling feeling spread from where your bodies met in the kiss down to your toes. Your face and neck were peppered with small bursts of pleasurable heat, and your toes curled slightly. You sighed and leaned into the nuzzle, feeling completely wrapped up in Sans’s care even though his hands hadn’t left your face.

For monsters, intent was everything.

_He must’ve really wanted to kiss you._

You wanted to return the favor so you began covering his skull in small kisses, allowing yourself to roam down to his neck and breathe his scent in again. Clean. So clean. So unlike how he normally smelled and it was _so_ damn attractive. You pressed firmer kisses into his neck, taking your time with each individual vertebrate. 

Sans’s hands found your ass again and squeezed. One hand trailed along your skin past your hips and down towards your entrance. Your breathing hitched and he brushed a finger against the slit. 

“is it supposed to be that wet?”

“Uh-huh.”

He continued to rub his finger along the entrance for a few moments before sliding it in you. You clenched around his bony finger, enjoying the foreign feeling of it deep inside you. He pumped his finger a few times and you let out a long whine before desperately bucking against his hand, hoping for more stimulation.

“please touch me,” Sans whispered.

Ah! You were so caught up in how he was making you feel you had stopped kissing him. You put your hand around a rib and began to stroke it. Sans started breathing heavily, so you picked up the pace, as did he.

“M-more,” you panted, and he slipped in another finger.

As he fingered you, Sans leaned in and gave you another one of his skeleton kisses, and the warm fluttery feeling spread throughout your whole body, making you feel hot all over. You removed your hand from his ribs and refocused your attention down towards his coccyx, repeating the pinky gesture from earlier before pinching the tip of the tailbone.

Sans crooked his fingers up and you moaned loudly, unable to stop yourself as he pushed them in knuckle deep. You kept your own hands busy, grabbing, stroking, and rubbing bones. They were starting to rattle, a soft _clack-clack-clack_ with each stroke you made.

Sans was still fervently pushing his fingers in and out of you, making sure to repeatedly press against your sensitive spot. He rested his head in the crook of your neck, tenderly nipping at the skin of your neck before running his tongue along the bites.

Your body was quaking but so was his. Both your hands were working, caressing his spine and pelvis and the inside of his ribs. Sans’s free hand began to dig into the flesh of your stomach and the _clack-clack-clack_ was getting louder. You continued, pinching and massaging. His breath hitched and he let out a shaky sigh.

“i’m close.”

“Me too.”

Sans’s thumb barely grazed over your clit, but it was enough to make you squeeze your eyes shut. “There, harder, please!”

He was firmer with his touch this time and began to rub circles with him thumb. The pressure was building and your legs began shaking even harder. This felt so good. _He_ felt so good. You gripped his rib tightly and planted a few last kisses on his neck as you stroked once, twice, three times-

“ahh, fff-fuck.”

Sans trembled and for a moment you saw a soft blue sheen in his eyes, not dissimilar to the pastel coloring of his bones. You could only appreciate it for a moment before he pounced, still a bit shaken, but now completely focused on you. His thumb on your clit was unrelenting, pressing again and again as his other hand roamed up to your breast and squeezed. 

You squirmed underneath him, whining as the pressure built up. He lets his body come into full contact with yours and you could feel his magic pulsating all around you. He moved his hand from your breast up to where he could feel your heartbeat. Then he leaned in to kiss you. 

All at once you felt the hot flutters of his kiss rush through your body in time with the rapid pounding of his magic meeting with the raw pleasure of getting fucked by his fingers. You cried out from the overstimulation and let your orgasm overtake you. Your eyes squeezed shut and your hand immediately went for his to hold. You shuddered under his touch and for a moment all you could see was white.

Sans removed his fingers from you and rolled off you and onto the bed. 

For a moment, neither of you spoke. 

“…guess you _ass_ -umed right when ya said i was more of an ass man.”

You snorted. “Yeah, I noticed you got a bit _handsy_ there,” you said, intertwining your fingers with his. 

“heh.”

Sans grabbed one of the blankets from your bed and pulled it over the two of you. You snuggled in a little bit closer to him, letting your naked bodies touch fully against each other. “Hmm, a post-sex cuddle? That’s not going to sound nearly pervy enough when you retell this story to your skeevy work buddies.”

“that’s ok, i'll say we smashed bits and that i kicked you out of bed after getting ass,” he said, pinching at your butt a bit.

You casually flipped him off, but you couldn’t stop the smile from forming on your face.

“heheh, fuck me? maybe later.”


End file.
